Wednesday, 9 September 2015

SPOILER ALERT! My Movie Review: What If


When Daniel Babe-Cliffe meets Ruby Sparks at a boring hipster party, they bond over fridge magnet poetry and casual racism towards overly white people. Bring in Chloe Jasmine’s twin sister and her boyfriend starring as the interfering BFFS and we’ve got ourselves a stereotypical rom-com - only this one is way better because protagonists BabeCliffe and Ruby speak in long and overly complicated quick sentences, comparable to, if not quicker than, The Gilmour Girls. 

As with all rom-coms, there are reasons as to why BabeCliffe and Ruby Sparks can’t just take their clothes off together on stage or in a stable somewhere. BabeCliffe is deeply wounded by the end of his previous rela and he also has a passion for brooding on rooftops and casually littering. Besides, Sparks has a BOYFRIEND and no matter how right two people are for one another, nobody in the history of EVER has broken up with their partner to be with someone else who has more potential, is better looking, treats them better, gets on well with their family and is the chosen one! Plus Sparks is controlled by that guy, you know the one, no not God, the one who’s always writing that book that she’s in.

BabeCliffe and Sparks take us on a journey, a journey that goes way further than the attic BabeCliffe lives in and way deeper than the fact that Sparks has the power to see things through other peoples eyes after that horrific sledge accident she had as a child. The pair agree to respect Sparks’ boyfriend and just be good chums, much to the dismay and heartache of Ronald Weasley. As the pair grow closer, they reveal more and more about themselves. Even though Ruby keeps her life even MORE private than Pippa Lee, she tells Babers that she HATES Valentines Day and BabeCliffe tells Ruby about how he grew horns that one time (and that’s probably why the ex dumped him.) Finally, Sparks reveals that her MUM DIED, which was a major breakthrough, despite the fact that she failed to mention her blind brother. 

But all goes wrong when Chloe Jasmine steals the pairs clothes whilst they get naked to go skinny dipping. (BabeCliffe does this in like, EVERYTHING he’s in and NO that’s totally NOT why I watched this, I did it for the deep, deep meaning behind the film. Obviously.) The duo are forced to spend the night, totally without underwear and sharing just one sleeping bag. Although Babe constantly tries to Copperfield, his advances get rejected as Ruby once again fails to give a shit that he defeated the dark lord, like, 1 million times or something.

The naked night on the beach angers Ruby, so she fucks off to Dublin for a quickie with the BF to cheer her up. Scared in his attic by the Woman in Black, Harry, oops sorry I mean BabeCliffe, hops on a plane after her to win her heart for once and for all. Of course, in classic rom-com style, BabeCliffe arrives in Dublin just as Boobie, I mean Ruby, has left and gets a punch in the face from her boyfriend. But, ever the gentleman, he refrains from using Avada Kedavra.

Of course the pair finally end up head over horns in love with each other, but only when they are reunited with the hipster fridge magnets, because that’s where they first met and it was so romantical standing in front of the green Smeg making convo. 

The upside of this movie is BabeCliffe’s stubble, the downside to this movie is that, unfortunately, we can’t see through Ruby’s eyes and therefore never get a look at that PEEN. Damn, I’ll just have to spend my money and get tickets to that play.

5/5 stars for that absolute BABE! Oh, and the movie was good too.
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30 comments

  1. This is amazing!! you are really talented!!

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    1. Thank you! I might make funny reviews a new segment on my blog, I had sooo much fun writing this!! xxx

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  2. Great to see you writing comedically! This was fun, light-hearted and hilarious - absolutely perfect for a romcom review <3

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  3. Clearly, I need to drop everything and immediately go watch this film that is full of "deep, deep meaning..." or to sum up my review of your review; this is the greatest work I have seen since JK herself minus that one time she tried to write something other than Harry Potter.

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    1. Hahahahahah love it! Thanks so much Rachel! Deffo watch the film it really was great! xx

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  4. This is great! I love films and it would be awesome if you keep writing this reviews, you got your own style and you're very talented. Keep the good work! xx

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    1. I might try and do 1 movie review a month! Keep your eyes on my blog haha! xxx

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    2. How come you haven't written any blogs in such a long time :( ??

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  5. This is great! I love films and it would be awesome if you keep writing this reviews, you got your own style and you're very talented. Keep the good work! xx

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  6. haha this was brilliant! you have a way with words !!

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  7. "Sparks is controlled by that guy, you know the one, no not God" Hahah, I loved this! I was reading it while in class and accidentally laughed out loud rather than in my head. Oops haha. Great post, Rosie!

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    1. Hahahah well laughing out loud is very good for the body, so you should read more of my blog posts ;)

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  8. Eh, you're a decent blogger Spaughton..lol just kidding. Rosie I always enjoy your perspective and unique view on the topics you choose. Your passion for writing is evident in each post. This was a refreshing change for your blog and I enjoyed reading it. I've never heard of this movie, so Tha k you for the referral. Great job girl, u know I'm forever a positive and supporting fan.

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    1. Thanks Dimples! You must watch the film, I LOVED it! I'm going to be doing more movie reviews, I've been doing some quite serious stuff lately so wanted something more warming for this cold weather! :) xxx

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  9. After reading this review my Saturday night film is sorted as always excellent writing Rosie

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  10. After reading this review my Saturday night film is sorted as always excellent writing Rosie

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  11. I just have watched that movie last weekend. What a coincidence. Haha I so love your review. I can still remember every details of the movie and just laugh at your review. I like the way you described it and the characters. I can imagine your face while writing this! haha Your review makes the movie not a rom-com but a com-com. haha Thanks! Had a good time reading this! Please do some more!:)

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  12. This was sooo good to read, so funny and charming and the fact that you add a lot of Harry Potter vocabulary made it cooler. Way to go Rosie!!!

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  13. I love it how clever and hilarious this review is for a non-comedy film..good job! I've watched the film once and i can't believe it can be funny in a review..kudos to you! Can you write a review of the movie 'about time'.. It's really a good one if you haven't watched it yet..looking forward to your upcoming blogs..btw, this is the first time that i read your blog and think im becoming a fan now..😊

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  14. Great review, Rosie! You should write one where you cover yours and Rose's story as well. :) I liked the movie too, way more than "Love, Rosie" (which contained a bit too much heartache for me).

    Can't wait to see what you tackle next, scary movies perhaps? Proper ones, not the supernatural ones like "Grave Encounters" even though I know you like that stuff. Really scary movies are ones that scare you because it could actually happen. You up for that? :D

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  15. Love your blogs!
    Love your humour and sarcastically beautiful way of reviewing this!

    I request..... Write more blogs please!!!!

    Gxx

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    1. Well I'm glad you appreciate sarcasm! I certainly will be writing more! xxx

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  16. Defiantly by far the best blogger ever!! Love this please post more blogs like this.. You are defiantly one of my inspirations

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    1. Ahhh thank you so much!!!! I definitely want to write more movie reviews, so I'm so glad you enjoyed this one! I think I might write one once a month or something? So happy thank you for the lovely feedback xxx

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  17. it's fascinating how your love for harry potter reflects on this review... i admire your creativity and your hilarious imagination... though i was a bit confused since i have not watched the movie yet.. but i definitely would! :)

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  18. This is really very nice. Thank you for sharing.

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