Friday, 26 June 2015

Self Reflection


As a teenager and all the way into my twenty-somethings, I managed to never self reflect. Always living for the moment, always acting on impulse, I never thought about the consequences or other peoples feelings, and lived my life either fully immersed in the present, or with my head in the clouds day dreaming about sunny moments to come in the future. 

Looking back now, I honestly don’t know how I did it. Spending 4 years of my life living with Rose, who has OCD, has forced me to pick up her habits, both good and bad. Always striving for perfection and getting things “right” she plans way ahead, thinking about every possible outcome and who will be affected by the tiniest detail. This quickly rubbed off on me and I went from the polar opposite of not thinking about anything first or really giving two shits about what people thought, to worrying about the smallest of moments like whether or not I remembered to thank that cashier I would never see again.

Self reflection is a good thing, don’t get me wrong. It’s such a valuable use of time to look back and think about why things happened the way they did. We all do it, we hear that old song that takes you right back to a certain moment and get lost thinking about it. Most commonly, I’m sure we’ve all rewound the clocks to remember how things were with an ex partner, the good times, the bad, where it all went wrong and more importantly WHO was in the wrong (This may speed up the process, it’s usually both of you) but too much self pondering can drive you insane. Nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes. Of course we slip up, but we always learn something from it. 

I’ll never forget when I was in high school and I watched a Russell Brand stand up comedy show where he talked about waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, thinking about something cripplingly embarrassing he’d said or done and how he would relive it so strongly. At the time, I couldn’t relate, now I think oh god, what HAVEN’T I done that wasn’t embarrassing, that didn’t make me cringe and face-palm myself?!

Sometimes I look back at the way I used to live my life and think man, ignorance is bliss. However, look a little closer and it doesn’t take a genius to realise that wasn’t a good thing I had going on. Blurting out whatever was in my head at the time hurt feelings and so did not thinking about where I was with people before I did whatever the hell I wanted. Although I’ll admit, I had a mighty good time doing it.

The key is in getting the balance right. When I had a hard time, my therapist Sam told me that if I spent too much time looking back, I would be missing out on special moments with Rose that were going on in the now, that I wasn’t present for. Rose would be sharing a joke with me and I would be too busy thinking about something that had happened that had upset me, or something random I said to someone once. My therapist said to me “If you carry on staying in the past, before you know it you’ll wake up in the present and you’ll be 80 years old and think ‘where has my life gone?’” 


As good as it is to think about peoples feelings, analyse your own behaviour and actions and learn from mistakes, it’s also great to learn by doing, by living. It’s good to care about what other people think but only to an extent. We should never let other people’s opinions govern our lives. Sometimes people say something to me and I think “Good point” other times I think “I don’t give a shit.” And I think that’s a perfectly healthy balance. The best thing to do? Live in the now. Put all that focus and attention you put on yourself in the past to right now to be the best you you can possibly be today. 
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56 comments

  1. This is brilliant. Thanks for posting this Rosie.

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    1. No problem! I've been reading a lot of serious blogs at the moment and maybe it's rubbed off on me hahah! Just thought I'd talk about something I really know a bit about xxx

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  2. I love the way you share your feelings with all of us. <3

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    1. Thank you! I used to be a little more coy with you all hahah but now I think, you watch my videos, you know who I am, why not just be honest? It's much easier relaxing and being myself with you all than trying to hold back :)

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  3. A lovely blog and extremely relevant. It's too easy for so many if us to ignore or miss someone that is suffering on their own from dwelling on previous mistakes or current problems. A lot if the time all they need is a stretched out hand to pull them through and support them in the smallest of ways. It reminds me of something I payed some time ago but something that we should all be aware of. It doesn't sound that much of a big deal but for the person dwelling in the past mistakes, its a huge deal. Thank you for posting this, truly a lovely piece. This is my post I was referring to:

    As we come to the end of Mental Heath Awareness Week 2015 #mhaw2015 Everyone will go through some hard times at some point. Life isn't easy. Just something to think about. Did you know the people that are the strongest are usually the most sensitive? Did you know the people who exhibit the most kindness are the first to get mistreated? Did you know the ones who take care of others all the time are usually the ones who need it the most? Did you know the three hardest things to say are I love you, I'm sorry, and help me? Sometimes just because a person looks happy, you have to look past their smile to see how much pain they may be in. To all my friends who are going through some issues right now--let's start an intentional avalanche. We all need positive intentions right now. If I don't see your name, I'll understand. May I ask my friends wherever you might be, to kindly copy and paste this status for one hour to give a moment of support to all of those who have family problems, health struggles, job issues, worries of any kind and just needs to know that someone cares. Do it for all of us, for nobody is immune. I hope to see this on the walls of all my friends just for moral support. I know some will!!! I did it for a friend and you can too. You have to copy and paste this one, NO SHARING... I will leave it in the comments so it's easier to copy/paste. Thank you.

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  4. Rosie this is such a good blog post and thank you for telling me to not worry about every thing I've done, it really helped. I love your blog and look forward to reading more posts😊

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    1. No problem! The way I see it is, whatever you did that you regret, it's been and gone now. As long as you've learned from it, won't do it again or have worked out how to handle it if it arises next time, leave it in the past and allow yourself to move on from it :)

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  5. Thank you for sharing your opinions about Self Reflection.I can't agree anymore that we should look back to learn a lesson then move on to cherish every day of life.:)

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  7. Great reflection Rosie. Speaking for myself, I've lived my life backwards in the sense that I've never took risks or partied with my friends. I was the kid sitting with the adults at a party rather than playing spin the bottle.
    I don't feel like I missed out on certain experiences or taking risks. Did they make me a prude? Yeah, kind of. But, being who I am now, I'm the one that makes sure everyone else is taken care of and safe without worrying about myself.
    Now that I'm in my late 30's, I'm starting to seek new experiences that most have been there, done that. As an adult, even the simple things like getting drunk or getting a manicure are things I've never done. But, I feel like I take in the whole experience in a much diff way as an adult. Some might think I'm a square, but I think it's what makes me endearing and charming.
    Great article Rosie. The wildness of your youth and outgoing personality make u the beautiful, charming woman u have become and are continuing to evolve into. Your kids don't stand a chance to pull one over on you. xxx

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  8. Rosie,what a great blog post!! made me cry,I really need to learn from your smart points. I have to say that during these years that you and Rose are posting videos on youtube, you have really changed,I can really learn from you,I love you so much,you've helped me and still helping me in so many things without even knowing it. THANK YOU!!!

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  9. Somehow both you and Rose seem to post helpful content right when I need it. Lately I've been doing TOO much self reflection and it has spilled into my dreams as well as taking over my waking life. In fact, I had just woken from a dream like that feeling a bit hollow when I saw that you had posted this. Thank you so much, never forget how much you help me and so many others
    Niamh xxxx

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  10. Wow, Rosie! Well written and inspiring :)

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  11. Wow, Rosie! Well written and inspiring :)

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  13. can i tell you that i adore the way you write?!simple but so effective it's like we're with you ..i love you guys and yes i will name my future girl Roseanne I WILL <3

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  14. The quote from Sam is going to stay in my mind for a longggg time. From someone who went from one extreme of being governed by their emotions to emotionally shutting down all in a year I'm so glad you blogged this. Both you and Rose don't try and give us a rose-tinted (ironically haha) view of your lives, you're real and genuine people with real issues which resonates with us :) thank you for all your awareness of mental health and - please please blog more, these are so well written :D xx

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  15. Thanks Rosie (& Sam) for your words. They come at a time when I needed a jab too the side to bring me back to the things of the present & not worrying bout the events of the past. :-)

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  16. Great read, well written and very true!

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  18. Such a great blog post, Rosie!
    Very true and inspiring! Also well written! :)

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  19. My mum got depression and she enjoys living and thinking upon her old days. When we are together it's like she's not even there. She was just sat at the sofa and being invisible. That hurts me! I'll always be filled with negative feeling from her. Depression is a very serious illness. It' depressing to be around So I know! It's not easy to live with someone with mental issues.

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  20. Another great piece Rosie. It's is always about the present. Using the lessons learnt to make the present awesome and the future a place that's not a scary prospect. The saying: you only live once is short-sighted... It should be - u only die once...live everyday.

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  21. Thanks for writing a great post Rosie , I lost both my parents , my mum when I was 16 it's sometimes hard to look back and not get angry but I try to stay in the present and be happy and find little joys in life and live a great life with my parents watching me from heaven , THANKYOU from Badrov.K

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  22. Yo, Rosie this really hits the spot and no I don't want to be 80 and asking myself -where has my life gone? ... Scary to think about that . Anyway thnaks for sharing your thoughts :) xxx

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  23. Another beautifully written blog.
    Since a year I past my behind me and I enjoy more aware of special moments with family and friends. And you and Rose are at.
    Go and enjoy!
    Have a nice day
    Bigg hug from Saskia

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  24. thank you, maybe I should act this way..
    living right now.. =/
    very nice post, Rosie!
    xxx

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  25. LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST ROSIE! WE ONLY LIVE ONCE.. APPRECIATE THE PAST AND THANKFULL FOR THE PRESENT.. WE ALL LIVE IN THE PAST BUT IT DEPENDS ON US HOW WE LIVE IN THE PRESENT.. LIVE YOUR LIFE WITH ROSE COZ YOU'LL BE HAPPY WITH THAT. SELF REFLECTION IS JUST A WAY TO TURNED BACK THAT HAPPENS IN OUR PAST TO THINK OF TO RIGHT THE WRONGS WEVE MADE..THANX FOR POSTING THIS YOU INSPIRE ME ROSIE AND ROSE.. KEEP BEING HAPPY,KEEP BEING YOU FOR GOD HAVE SOME MANY BLESSINGS FOR YOU TO COME.. πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜Š

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  26. To me it happened the other way round. I used to be super obsessive with the past and the future, the outcomes of every action and decision, and what people would think of my every move. Luckily things changed, I think mainly with age and experience, and now i think i live a more balanced and happy life knowing that sometimes i just have to give a fuck :) Thanks for sharing Rosie, sometimes being open is hard and makes you feel vulnerable but I want you to know it really helps to read that someone (specially you) goes through the same things we do. Thanks again for that and thank you for being awesome!! xxx

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  27. Beautifully said Rosie! I commend you on your strength and self-preservation for who you truly are.
    I love the saying "yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift, that’s why we call it the present."
    We, as a people, spend precious hours fearing the inevitable and the uncontrollable. I have loved ones in military, and I promised myself a long time ago that I would enjoy every minute of every day that is given to me and those I love, to live, because you never know when it will be your last.

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  28. What beautiful writing, people do and say things in the heat of the moment and regret all of it afterwards. I am like Rose and think of every possible what if's and may be's , but it's not a bad thing as you say as I am always ready for anything !!(well most of the time) I think people like yourself writing down their thoughts and feeling for others to read and share is a good thing because not everybody has a network of people to talk to and ask for help. Keep doing what you're doing and feel proud of you're work.

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  29. Hi Rosie!
    This is a great blog. I can relate to everything you said because I personally feel I miss a lot of great stuff because I spend to much time thinking and over analising every single detail. I get so jelous of people who are able to just go with it and live the moment to the fullest. Thank you for talking about this, it's always nice to read your thoughts, they're always so refreshing. xxxxx

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  30. Hey Rosie! Great Blog indeed! Can't agree with your thoughts more.That's exactly what I recommend people to follow. :-)

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  31. Thank you for this blog! It hit home for me because I think about the past all too much! Thank you rosie for being someone I look up to, your tips are great and you are a great person :)

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  32. Thank you for sharing. I've caught myself thinking of my past relationships and realized that it wasn't my fault. I've experienced the negatives but changed them into positives. I had always challenged myself to be better and was a risk taker. Later I realized who was I doing this for? I grew stronger, improved my way of thinking and accepted change. I too have OCD and it's not easy sorting and working things out. Therapy helped and I got a better grip of my life then when I was younger. Once again, thank you for sharing.

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  33. I've been checking this blog almost everyday (cos I can't figure out how to get notifications for a new post - techno granny) and now I'm on a work placement as a student nurse so I don't have much time and I've missed three new ones! Read them all this morning. Love your writing. And love you as well. Xxx

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  34. Yes. I totally agree with you. Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes it looks bad now but it will bring a good thing in the future. It's ok to think about the past or other people thoughts but don't let them affect our life. Just take it as the positive way to make our life better. When something bad happens to me, I always tell my self that it is not actually bad cause I will learn something from that and it really helps me to go through all my problems without too stress thinking of it. Anyway, really nice sharing from you.

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  35. Yes. I totally agree with you. Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes it looks bad now but it will bring a good thing in the future. It's ok to think about the past or other people thoughts but don't let them affect our life. Just take it as the positive way to make our life better. When something bad happens to me, I always tell my self that it is not actually bad cause I will learn something from that and it really helps me to go through all my problems without too stress thinking of it. Anyway, really nice sharing from you.

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  36. Nice article. I like this kind of article. Thanks writer to post such a good article.
    Micromax Coupon

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    1. You're welcome, I'm glad you enjoyed it! I will be doing much more honest posts like this :)

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  37. To live in the Here and Now :)
    two thumbs up and slow clap for that awesome realization Rosie xOxO

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  38. This is really good, rosie! I can really relate myself with this. Thank u for wrote it. During my teenage years, I never knew what responsibility is. All I care was I just wanna do whatever that I cant do without thinking the consequences. But at the age of 19, that was when it all starts. My dad's health was really not good, and we (me and my parents) keep on back and forth to the hospital, and our financial status was really not good. I had to used my savings to help my parents. And can u imagine that, that time we dont have a car. So, we need to call a cab everytime we went to the hospital. And sometimes when my mom's took care my dad at the hospital, I went back home walking alone to the train station. I was so exhausted and stress because during that time I was in my 2nd year for diploma. I cried every night thinking about my life, it's like it all falls down at the same time. This continues till I'm 21, my dad died when I was on my way to go to see him, bcz my mom called me saying that my dad's dying. My beloved dad, died on jan 2012. I was 22 by that time. So. I recovered from that. I made a promise that I want to make him proud and will take care of my mom. I'm very grateful that I got a first class in my diploma and I got a scholarship for my degree (I'll be graduating next year!) . And I'm currently a part time tutor and freelance facilitator, and sometimes a salesperson at the mall. I never asked for money to my mom's bcz I know how hard it was to find money. And I remembered that Rose said on one of her videos in her YouTube channel, that she admired u bcz during your college year, you also work as a part timer right? Good job, rosie! Independent taught us many things. You are wonderful. Keep pursuing your dreams!

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  39. You learn from the past to the future constuir but can only be done by living the present . It's a great reflection Rosie.

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  40. It is slightly embarrassing to think that I have kinda restructured all my thoughts and my entire life since reading this blog for the billionth time. It is truly inspirational

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  41. I can feel the sincerity. thanks for sharing rosie! you're amazing :)

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  42. Glad I stumbled upon your blog! I am now a fan! Great insight

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  43. hey beauty! :)
    excellent words! and I love how you write (especially about rose ^^)
    sorry for asking but what is OCD?πŸ™ˆ

    love you both and wish you all the best :)♡

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  44. hey beauty! :)
    excellent words! and I love how you write (especially about rose ^^)
    sorry for asking but what is OCD?πŸ™ˆ

    love you both and wish you all the best :)♡

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  45. "Sometimes people say something to me and I think “Good point” other times I think “I don’t give a shit.”"

    That would be a very good perspective, to make everything balance. Now I started reading your blogs, and I like all your opinions, it was all good and true. Continue what your doing. :)

    #filipinobobbies

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  46. I'm super duper late reading this however thank you so much for writing this! This is literally just what i needed to read right now : ) You're a great person, thank you x

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  48. A little, Aka a lot late to the blog game, but if you knew what was going on in my mind and life right now you'd know this was perfectly fitting... calmed me down a bit and the quote “If you carry on staying in the past, before you know it you’ll wake up in the present and you’ll be 80 years old and think ‘where has my life gone?’” was exceptionally fitting and really has made me think.

    Thank you Rosie.

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