Saturday, 13 September 2014

My Newly Found Guilty Pleasure......

When I was younger and realising I was bisexual, there was one noticeable difference between my affections for men and my affections for women. Women had the ability to make me feel something no man had ever and to this day, has never made me feel. Women gave me a head orgasm.

Or that's how I used to describe it anyway. I can remember the first time it happened, maybe in year 8, when I was around 12/13 and had already become to realise that I was attracted to both sexes. I was in an IT class and nobody in that class was anybody I wanted to sit with. I sat alone, not lonely, simply getting on with my work when I found myself struggling to get my computer to do what I wanted it to do. This was back in the days when we only had about 6 computers in the class and they looked like one gigantic brick and it took almost the entire class to start up and even longer to open the internet.

 I had called over a lady to help me, who wasn't the teacher but the assistant for a handicapped girl in the class, but she used to walk round and assist everyone. She was young, blonde and very quiet. She had curly hair and pink lipstick on and she had leaned over me to reach the mouse to control the computer. She was talking to herself, trying to get the computer to complete the task and her voice was just so so gentle and soft, like soothing waves on the beach, and I instantly felt so warm and happy and relaxed. As she was talking, so so softly, I could smell her light, feminine perfume and my head and inside my ears started to tingle. The tingling went up the back of my neck and simulataneously down my spine and made my head completely fuzzy. Everything else around me was not important, I almost felt like I was meditating. My head started feeling like an escaped balloon floating up and up and away and even after she had left me alone again, my head was still in the clouds feeling full of television static. 

That was my earliest memory of a head orgasm or another term I enjoyed calling it was 'lezzy head fuzz.' It happened plenty of times, only with women. More recently, when I was in the early stages of dating Rose, I went into Boots to pick up some makeup and this woman came up to me and started scanning and packing away all my items for me, despite me using the self service check out! She was talking to me so kindly and sweetly, I felt my head start tingling again, like pins and needles only nice pins and needles and after I floated out the shop I rang Rose and told her about it. Rose is the only other woman I know who gets lesbian head fuzz too. I remember I told her about that feeling that women give me, and that men could never do it. I always thought that it was just a me thing. I thought that because I have been brought up in a loud, boisterous house with two older brothers, I assumed I just appreciated soft, gentle women because I am so naturally loud and clumsy. I thought I was appreciating and enjoying the qualities in other women that I do not posess myself.

But when Rose told me that quiet, whispering women triggered her too, I then started thinking it was a lesbian thing. I was glad I knew someone else who felt the same way and I forgot all about it.
Until a couple of weeks ago that is. When, in a random bizzare internet cycle, I clicked on Hannah Harts' Tumblr, found a lifehack profile and clicked on that and found their youtube channel, watched a video on how to get to sleep, and I discovered ASMR. My new guilty pleasure.

The wikipedia definition of ASMR is:

Autonomous sensory meridian response (ASMR) is a neologism for a perceptual phenomenon characterized as a distinct, pleasurable tingling sensation in the head, scalp, back, or peripheral regions of the body in response to visual, auditory, tactile, olfactory, and/or cognitive stimuli. 

Other attempts to describe the sensation refer to it as a "brain massage", "head tingle", "brain tingle", "spine tingle", and "brain orgasm".

ASMR is literally what I have been experiencing with women - and they have ASMR Youtube videos specifically to make you feel the way I felt - happy, tingly, sleepy, floaty, dreamy and amazing.

I usually listen to a meditiation youtube channel to help feel relaxed and sleepy. My mind is so busy and full of ideas that at the end of the day I could never just lie in bed and attempt to sleep, my brain whirrs too loudly! So I opened up some ASMR videos to check them out. And I instantly fell in love.

The first video I watched was by a girl called Heather Feather which you can watch HERE. In this video, Heather whispers quietly into the mic and plays with water beads, sand and other materials to create sounds that are supposed to make you feel tingly (it worked.) Another person I watched was Amal, who did more roleplay based videos. I was thinking "How the hell does roleplay work with making you feel tingly?!" so I clicked on a few videos. Haha, as I'm writing this, I'm laughing because it sounds so ridiculous, but the roleplay videos made me feel happy and tingly too. Amal is a beautiful girl who talks to the camera in a very gentle way and acts out certain senarios, like being an assistant in a shop while you are buying items. She's actually a really good actress! Extremely believable and I'm pretty sure she makes everything she says up on the spot, and she never faulters or drops the act. At first I was sort of listening like .... well this is weird. But when I turned it on at night and had it in the background, her voice softly speaking while I lay there definitely helped me drift off. My favourite videos were the Bra Fitting Roleplay which you can find HERE and the Caring Friend video which was HERE. As a bisexual, it definitely helped that Amal is extremely attractive. 

Whilst scrolling down the comments on these ASMR videos, I saw that many people commented saying they wanted to buy tapes of this girls voice because it made them feel so good. I felt amazed that this was actually a THING that you can go on youtube and watch people doing crazy things with jelly beans and toys and clocks and other random objects and acting out different senarios to make peoples heads go fuzzy. Bizzare. The thing that made me laugh out loud so hard was when I scrolled past a comment that was like "What... is this WEIRD video?" - the person had NO idea they were watching an ASMR video and didn't know what the HELL he had stumbled upon! As an outsider, it is really, really strange. But that's why it's my guilty pleasure.

I hope you guys liked my blog post! Don't forget to leave me a comment and subscribe! :) xxxxxxx
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23 comments

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. No way!! I thought I was the only one! I have to watch these videos right now!! Thank u soo much Rosie!! xxx

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  3. omg rosie i feel this all the time actually i fell in love w/ the love of my life when she was talking lightly w/ my girls while they coloring we where 2gether 4 13 yrs loved ur blog love u rosie <3 ;)

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  4. I have felt that and I never knew what it was, so thank you Rosie, you did an extremely well research about the subject, I'm going to check the vids you suggested. And let me add, wow the way you write is exquisite, nothing better to relax than reading you, I honestly cannot wait for your book, or anything you decide to write.
    Love you and Rose. :):)

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  5. Oh god! hahaha i can't believe you talked about it! I love this, I always listen to youtube asmr videos before sleeping and it works fantastically, I thought it was a weird thing I felt, but each day I'm more sure that you have to talk about what you truly are interested in because people can surprise you, everybody is weird man. And that's true, men don't work for me, actually I find it creepy. I suggest to you my four favourite asmr youtubers (i've seen them all) : Hermetic Kitten, GentleWhispering, ASMRrequests, and the one and only TheOneLilium. xxx

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  6. By the way, gestures, gentle and slow body movements also work for me. Some people moves beautifully. And what about getting a haircut or having someone else doing your makeup?

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  7. OMFG Rosie. I laughed with joy when I read this post. I have had this sensation for years, but my gf is the only one who can cause it in me. It is my "love tingles", but I think I will also start calling it "lezzy head fuzz!" I love your posts Rosie, please don't ever stop.

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  8. Whoa Rosie, I ended watching Amal's vids but still, I really prefer yours! how do you call mine then inlove with your voice? I wish I could even make it a ringtone! I have a deep attraction to voices like yours:)

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  9. OMG! I didnt know this was an actual thing! This has happened to me numerous times and I didnt know what triggered it. I used to call them skin-gasms because it felt like an orgasm for your skin. Thanks for the knowledge!

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  10. I probably would have a head orgams if i meet you and rose! hahah
    I think i will dowload the audio sound of the Caring Friend video i listening to it everytime i'm stress, because it made me feel so damm relax!

    Thank you! xxxx

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  11. I've experienced ASMR as far back as I can remember, starting with my grandma talking me to sleep as a little girl. I actually thought it was something everyone experienced until I mentioned it to my fiancee and she looked at me like I had 6 heads. If you like female whispering try out the youtube channel GentleWhispering. She's one of my absolute favorites!

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  12. I don't relate, but I do like your post. Thanks for sharing. I thought your admission of said guilty pleasure was going to be a bit more scandalous. Like, a love for SpongeBob, or something...

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  13. Asmr is awesome! I've experienced it since I was about seven. Check out Ephemeral Rift's videos. Gentlewhispering has an excellent channel as well.

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  14. I learned something. I used to listen to the radio to go to sleep. You are so brave and honest and I think you know yourself well.

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  15. Thank you so much for sharing this. I've never experienced ASMR but those videos made me feel calm and relaxed which is always appreciated. I think i'll watch them whenever i have trouble falling asleep.

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  16. Whoa! I never knew what it was called! I have such sensitive ears and when I hear the ASMR videos my back tingles and I get chills and my shoulders tingle as well. I get lost. Thank you so much for posting about this! :)

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  17. I have heard about ASMR videos before, but I didn't get it from reading it, nobody really explained it properly. Thanks for your post on it, Rosie! It really helped me understanding what it meant and what it does to some people :)

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  18. Omg the video with that bra thing...her eyes and her voice drives me crazy! :D

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  19. Oh my GOD this makes so much sense. As soon as I read about the woman helping you on the computer I completely understood what you meant. Thank you for those links to videos; I am in a state of utter bliss!

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  20. Hello Rosie I see that you have a good taste in clothes, food, drinks, GIRLFRIEND !!
    haha okay, I love your blog your videos with Rose, I love your lifestyle is for me as I wanted to be like you guys, thank you for showing me the ASMR videos is really relaxing even more than the protagonist is beautiful !! heheh
    continue with posts like this ... I LOVED LOVED LOVED !! Xoxoxoxox from Brazil. <3 =D

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  21. Oh my god, I experience this quite often! I'm actually really happy to know it's a normal thing with a name and everything... I was starting to think I had a weird fetish :D

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  22. OMFG!! I wasn't conscious this happened to me. DO NOT watch the videos before going to work, I'm absort somewhere in my happy place and I can't work properly.

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  23. I get this too! Only from women as well! Wow. I did think I was crazy, but your description is perfect! I will look into those videos!

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