Tuesday, 15 April 2014

My Weird Beliefs Part 1 - Feng Shui.


Let me tell you a story from my past.

I have always had a crazily overactive imagination. Growing up in a house with two older brothers and a single Mum meant I was always left to play by myself. Mum was always busy doing EVERYTHING, working, tidying, cooking, cleaning, and my two older brothers would go off and play 'army' and such other games and I was stuck in my room with nothing but my imaginary friends - in essence, my own imagination - for company.

And I always always ALWAYS played the same game. I would imagine a person (usually a soldier, and again, I blame the brothers for this, one of them is a soldier himself now) and I would day dream that I would fall madly, passsionately, deeply in love with him. I would imagine EVERYTHING, the romantic things he did for me, the heated arguments, him going back to war, me moping and missing him, EVERYTHING. ALL I wanted was to be completely and overwhelmingly loved and utterly consumed by love.

As I got older this daydream certainly hadn't vanished, it was still on the forefront of my brain. In fact, boys were all I thought about. I was famous in my family for having a new boyfriend every week. I just saw the good in everybody, any boy I met I thought THIS COULD BE IT THIS COULD BE HIM and would make him mine. A week in and I'd think.... this is terrible. This is boring. I don't feel the passion. This isn't the fireworks in the darkness, waves crashing, mind blowing romance I wanted! The boy would end up getting dumped and a new boy would soon be being written about in my diary. But I couldn't EVER settle down. I was frustrated and unhappy.

The list of things I would do to find that one person I could be happy with was extensive. I ALWAYS checked my horoscopes to see if I had a good chance of finding a love match and I even consulted a few psychics. And one day, I went to the library (because Google wasn't a big deal when I was younger and that's what you did in those days) and I found a Feng Shui book and I took it home with me. It told you how to Feng Shui your life according to the goals you wanted, for example, you could Feng Shui your room to make you healthier, or lose weight, or make more friends. So obviously, I Feng Shui'd my room to the rules of the book, to have a lasting, rewarding relationship.

Literally, not even a month later, Barney asked me to be his girlfriend. I had fancied Barney FOREVER and I had made it 1 million per cent clear of that fact. One time my friend, sick of me mooning over him in class, started a chinese whisper saying "Rosie fancies Barney pass it on" and everyone passed it on until it reached him and he just looked at me and shouted "SHUT UP!" And I was silently like WHHHHHYYYYYY DONNN'T YOU LIKE ME BACCCCKKKKKKK.
I don't know what changed, I don't know. I certainly hadn't but he decided he liked me back and he invited me on a date. So, we dated.

He became my boyfriend.  I met his parents. I met his Grandparents. I became best pals with his sister (still am.) He took my virginity. I fell in love so hard. I couldn't ever imagine us being apart. I spent almost every single evening with him and every single weekend. We ate takeaways together, we watched horror films together, we got high together, we made up dance routines to shit 90's songs and we taught eachother everything we knew. He helped me learn my German and taught me all about history, with emphasis on the cold war. I taught him about Pocahontas and we both became activists to save the environment. We were hippies. We wore second hand clothes, wore fake deodorant and ate tofu together. I became vegetarian with him. Our sex was wild. I felt truly, 100% myself around him, a problem I'd found with other boys. (Unfortunately, other than Barney, it's only girls I am able to be completely comfortable and myself with.) I finally had the committed, passionate, crazy mad love I'd been after. I was the happiest I'd ever been.

Everything was absolutely perfect.

About a year and a half in, my Mum decided we were all going to swap rooms. I remember she took my bed out of my bedroom and put it into my new bedroom, and Barney came round to see me while we were in the middle of the moving process. I was excited because I would be getting a bigger room. My stuff was strewn everywhere, the wardrobe was gone and I was throwing out bits and bobs and packing away my jewellery and stuff. The Feng Shui had been forgotten. My hard work had been undone. Over a year since I'd read the book and organized my life and I'd up-heaved it all, completely obliviously. And THAT day was the day Barney and I had our first massive argument.
I recall he came round and sat on the mattress on the floor (the bed had been moved remember) and he was just in a seriously bad mood as soon as he sat down. I said "You don't mind me tidying for a while do you babe?" I had to get it all sorted out, so my brothers stuff could be moved into my room. He didn't reply. I asked him AGAIN. He was ignoring me. I was trying to joke with him. We'd never argued before ever. I told him there was no point in him coming round to see me and then not talking to me. We ended up having a huge fight. He left. I was completely bewildered.

I moved into my new room. I didn't Feng Shui it. Barney and I were arguing every day. I would go round his house and we would just fight. I'd go home early. He'd call me to say sorry. We'd argue some more. I'd cry myself to sleep. We'd repeat the same routine every day. I got sick of it. We spent some time apart. He rang me to ask if I would see him. I said no. He yelled at me some more. I ended it. I cried every single night for an entire year.

Today I helped buy Rose a tonne of new clothes. She's lost some weight so we had to throw her clothes away. We cleaned out both our wardrobes and cupboards and filled about 8 bin bags to chuck away/give to charity and as the spring clean was drawing to a close, I felt this warm, tingly, glowing feeling inside me. Cleaning and organising my house makes me feel so happy. I know so many people think Feng Shui is a load of bollocks but I just can't help but think of what I went though, and believe it to be so true. I truly do believe that the cleanliness of your house and the way you position things in your room has an effect on your life, whether it actually by changing the energy that affects you, or whether it is psychological.

The story I told could most definitely be put down to coincidence. Of course it could! I'm an intelligent lady. But I just couldn't help but NOTICE that everything was perfect when I re-arranged my stuff. And everything went to shit when I moved it all around with absolutely no thought whatsoever. But I'm quite happy for other people to have their own opinions - even if that opinion is that Feng Shui is a load of bollocks.

I'll let you in on another secret before I go. I still have something hidden in my room to bring me luck with money. And touch wood - I've never done TOO badly.

xxxxx
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16 comments

  1. FIRST Of all,I love the fact that ur so honest and outspoken about a few intimate phases of ur life..HATS OFF to u,if I had a hat,I wud have thrown it in ur footsteps because honestly speaking,acknowledging spirituality and giving it it's due importance in life,is NOT something that I have seen many people do which is why most of us are trapped in a RAT RACE and end up feeling not fully satisfied with our lives because WE IGNORE SPIRITUAL HEALTH which has a direct impact on our MENTAL and physical health..I just love how spiritual,deep and philosophical u are..the day I thought I couldn't RESPECT and adore u more,has all proven wrong,I respect even more now,Infact I m impressed by ur amazing personality more than ur looks..P?S always stay da same cz u r da best version of urself rightnow..touchwood:)

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  2. What do you keep in your room for good luck???? I am so curious!?!?!?!!

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  3. You really amazing Rosie, I always check your blog cause I really like it,in fact I read it over and over:) please don't change cause your personality is the best for me,;) God bless to you and rose too,.I've been following you and rose in YouTube, tumbler,instagram,tweeter,even in Facebook,.,yes,.I'm proud to be your fan,imyournumber1fanin Philippines:) I love you both.,

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  4. You know those stories you read that kind of just stays with you and makes you FEEL something? Yeah, this was it. You are such a beautiful writer! I understand this is just a blog post (and I'm curious about the novel you're working on) but it's a story unto itself and it was so relatable! Thank you for sharing with us about those moments of insecurities and loneliness. I live in a house with two younger brothers, and as the only girl, yea it gets super lonely. And I love how you admit to wanting that undying love--these days, everyone is just afraid of being sappy, they won't admit to wanting that too. It's refreshing, and your writing is raw and original and very YOU. Please keep writing, and thank you for sharing this with us!

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  5. Rosie you write in a way that make me feel like we're having a conversation. It's brilliant. Love the style... Love me some Feng shui. I'm not sure about putting things a certain way to attract love or what have you but I always feel like my life is moving correctly when things feel in place and open. Clutter in the Bedroom especially makes your feel like your life is cluttered. :) Gem as always Rosie!

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  6. Reading this was quite enlightening actually. I feel myself in a rut these days, but after reading this post it seems like a change, even if it's just how my room is set up, might be enough to start the positive energy to lift me up. Thanks for the inadvertent advice. It simply shows that what some might consider weird beliefs, maybe conducive if not eye opening for someone else.

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  7. OMG Rosie!Your story is actually great and it's so relatable.I don't specifically believe in feng shui but I have beliefs that are unnatural to many.I grew up in a very superstitious family and it became a part of me.As I got older, logic happens but those beliefs never left me cause as sensical as it may sound, it made me an open minded person and grounded in a way.I think part of it, is that our mind got condition to what we think (beliefs,etc) is true or may deem that is reality to the point that it brings comfort to us, either they are true or not.Also,our experiences obviously have great impacts on our beliefs.
    PS:Reading you story is like reading part of an awesome fiction book but this is not fiction nor a book.Your writing skill is amazing!

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  8. I cried!!!!! I love this story. ...thx for sharing

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  9. Woke up around 1:30am usa time, and was scrolling through tumblr to get back to sleep and came across this post. After reading, i then proceeded to feng shui my whole entire room (sorry downstairs neighbors). Looked up articles and the proper way to shui. Thanks for the inspiration

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  10. I came in as soon as I saw Feng Shui -- 'cause this is so traditonal chinese thing. I wanted to reply about the Feng Shui stuff before I read everything. But I didn't and I'm glad I didn't. The more I know about you,the more bright sides I see in you,Rosie. You're a smart lady. I mean,literally smart about everything. We chinese,especially elders and those who think highly of tradition,values Feng Shui very much. We believe the chi around you can affect you. BUT it's not all about Feng Shui. It's also youself. The chi inside you depends on what you do in your daily life. It's about every detail thing. If you ignore someone in need of your help,or a starving stray dog,or something that you can give a hand,the chi is dispersing. I truly believe in that you have a strong chi due to your lovely kind heart. You have a beautiful inside first. That's what I appreciate most. I love to see you and Rose being together. It makes me feel actual happiness. No matter what happened,it don't matter. I wish you two a very promising future and seriously,GET MARRIED ;D Plus,I am trying to go to England. This is far and I'm short of money,but you guys are motivating me. I hope I would see you guys when I made it. Love you Xxxxx

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  11. You're an amazing writer Rosie. Can't wait for the novel you're working on :)

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  12. Rosie, please, please do more blog posts where you write more! You are so amazingly talented and I really enjoyed reading this, I am so happy you are writing a novel, I can't wait to read it!

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  13. feng shui Our wind chimes please the eye and delight the ear, keeping you in touch with the subtle variations in your surroundings and marking the changes that take place throughout the day. For some of us these sounds are company, to others they act as calming, meditational notes.

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  14. Roxet,
    If you remember the name of the book let me know.

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  15. I'm so glad there are foreigners that actually believe in Feng Shui!! Chinese Emperors used to use this method to locate their mausoleum before they died. I never know if it's effective or not, but after reading your blog post, I think at least arrangements of things can have influences on our mental states.
    Tidy environments make people feel eased and relaxed. This is obvious. I may not believe in some old Chinese traditions as a Chinese myself, but I do respect your personal belief. And I think it's great you can build up a certain lifestyle on the basis of Feng Shui.
    BTW, you are a great writer. Your opinions always come with specific stories, and these incidents in your life are always intriguing. :)

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